I don't really know how you should feel after day one of chemo. Happy that the evil cancer cells are being massacred one by one? Sad that you are poisoning your body? Anxious that while what you are doing will keep you alive, it will also cause changes in your body that are impossible to prepare for? Normally in situations, I can at least imagine how I THINK I would feel. My brain can't even go there with this one. It's an experience that no one can truly understand until they have done it.
Mom is exhausted today. She hasn't felt sick, but the weariness has definitely set in. She spent most of the day on the couch. When I talked to her tonight she mentioned that she had a killer headache, and that her head felt cloudy. She is trying to eat when she has an appetite. I believe the anti nausea stuff they gave her is holding off the nausea for now. But she is so tired. She says she's not sleepy, just physically tired. I honestly don't know if any of that is normal. I have no idea what to expect.
We are talking of cutting her hair off tomorrow. I wish there was a way to avoid it. I would give anything I could to be able to change this part of things. But maybe I'm not giving her enough credit. And heaven knows we have more than enough hats and scarves to make her look beautiful for a decade.
What I'm asking for now, if I could, is even more prayers. As we figure out a schedule, and get into a routine, and as she learns how this chemo will affect her body. We are going to all need extra strength, especially over the next week or so.
I've heard it said somewhere that there is life after cancer. I'm holding onto that, because right now I can't imagine ever fully putting this behind us.
We are all trying to help her, but again, we can't fully understand. Those of you who have been there, or who are there, please let us know what we can do for her. Help us with the things to say, to do, to feed to her, or when to just let her be. I'm hoping we'll get it all figured out.
Keep her in your prayers and thoughts tonight, even more than you have. Because it truly does help. And she needs to be as strong as she possibly can be.