Finally, the long awaited results from the genetic testing arrived today and the news was...GOOD! Much to the amazement of the geneticist, I was negative for the cancer gene. This means that my children are not high risk candidates for breast cancer and that I am not at high risk for recurrence of cancer in any primary sources. Apparently because of the aggressive nature of my cancer, they were positive that I would be a carrier. That is my miracle from heaven. I have carried such a heavy weight feeling that cancer would become the cloud hanging over the health of my children...and me. As I have spoken to each of my daughters, I have felt their own sigh of relief as they realized how worried they too had been.
Last night, my sister Amy and her two little ones Burke and Morgan gave me a gift with a unique story behind it. Shortly after my surgery, she met with a challenge that found her at the counter of the Apple store needing to return an Ipad. After tearfully explaining the situation behind the return, her frustration bubbled over. She ended up pouring her heart out about me, my family, and my cancer and the challenges we were facing to the manager assisting her. I can only imagine the scene. My sister is pretty tough and is not a fan of crying in front of anyone..much less a stranger. She also loves me a great deal and has tried to be strong for me and for my girls who turn to her for support. So, as she stood crying, the store manager excused himself for a minute only to return with a bag containing her refund and another Ipad. He wished her a Merry Christmas and kindly sent her on her way. So last night, I was gifted with an Ipad to use while I am having chemo. I am so grateful for the goodness of people. I am overwhelmed with the kindness of the many people who have allowed their hearts to be touched. That is what life is about...having the courage to respond to the promptings of our hearts for those who suffer or who are in need.
I love my family. Last night as we all met for dinner at Amy's house, I was consumed with pride for my children, my parents, and my family. It was a hard night..I was over-tired and overwhelmed, humbled..all the ingredients for a meltdown. As I cried over my sister's counter top, I felt the comforting arms of my children around me. Truly, their love calmed my fears and restored my peace. If they were the only gift from heaven that was mine, it would be enough.
My check-in is this..physically, I feel strong and comfortable, emotionally, I am comforted and at peace, spiritually, I am uplifted. My commitment is to face my first chemo treatment with a smile on my face and courage in my heart. My affirmation...
I am blessed beyond measure..
Gratitude and love always...Cyndi