Never ignore a person who loves you, cares for you, and misses you. Because one day you might wake up from your sleep and realize that you lost the moon while counting the stars.~Unknown

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Anything for a friend...

Today was by far the best day that I have experienced since the day cancer became the newest member of my vocabulary and yet...

Today, I cried..really cried. It was the end of the day after I had just sent my last group off with warm wishes for their own 'best day.' I sat down at my computer, logged on to and clicked on the video "Just let me cry." Images and messages of hope gave a unique and touching meaning to the words of one of my favorite songs. My heart was touched and immediately filled with compassion for those whose lives have also been touched by cancer. It wasn't until my own images appeared that the tears began to fall. You see, last night at our first planning meeting, my life had changed. As I listened to the words of one of the most vibrant, beautiful woman I have ever met, Becky Anderson, the words to the song in my heart changed. Her compassion and spirit of service literally silenced the anxieties and fears that had been surfacing this week. So, as I watched the video, the gratitude in my heart spilled over onto my cheeks and overwhelmed me in such a way that truly, it was hard to breathe. That video captured every emotion that I have experienced since learning that I have cancer and the challenges that accompany it. I wish with all my heart that I could find a way to explain how overwhelmed and touched I feel by the goodness and blessings in my life right now. It has invogorated me and humbled me in ways I have yet to experience.

Since the meeting, I have thought so much about the goodness in the world. So much of the work that I have done the last fifteen years has been related to the uglier side of life..where people intentionally harm one another, where addiction rob young lives of the abiility to remember who they are, where people die needlessly, and where the deepest of sadness prevails. In my own small way, I have tried to shed some light into those places as I have worked with those whose paths have ended in those venues. More times than not, I have questioned my ability to make a difference. Last night as I listened to old and new friends excitedly plan ways to serve me, it all came into perspective..the good, the bad, and the ugly. And the good prevailed. And I thought again of what I believe and felt grateful.

I believe that there is good in all of us. Reality has taught me that sometimes life hands us cards that deter us from an awareness of the good we possess. It may be a catastrophic event or simply a disappointment where relief and comfort eludes us. Nonetheless,we lose the ability to see the simplicity in the goodness of who we are. I want each of you to know that the there is nothing simple about the goodness in your hearts. It carries a power that moves others to be more grateful, to seek out those who are wounded, to live better lives, to be kinder to strangers, and most importantly to love deeper. Today, as I cried, it was that power from each of you that overwhelmed me. My life changed in those few brief moments and I am forever grateful for the goodness in the world around me.

Tonight, this scripture has resonated a new meaning in my life. "For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in. Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me......and the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." Matthew 25:35-40.

As I look forward and back to the service being rendered on my behalf, I am touched. As I look around at the faces looking back at me, I am grateful that I know the source from which that goodness comes. By whatever name we refer to that Higher Power in our lives, I hope each of you know that in the very humblest to the grandest of your acts of kindness, it is His light that I see looking back at me. And I hope that by whatever name you use when you seek His guidance, you know that He is aware of you. That He knows your name and He knows your heart. And I pray that with everything you may know that you know that He loves you and sees the good works that you do. For this reasons, I call him Father.

To Becky Anderson, I am in awe of your compassion and anticipate with renewed hope and faith the blessings that will come into my life through my associations with you. To my daughter Katie, I am proud of the courage and love that leads this committee of love under your direction. To my sister Amy, I treasure this opportunity to renew the sisterhood we share. To Travis, you are the wind beneath our wings. To Kari,Tammy, Kristin, Aubrey, Angie, Joe, Carissa,and Emily, you inspire me to be more loving; more giving. To the participants and survivors who have traveled this road before me, I carry you protected and loved in my heart. To all who will share the uniqueness of their goodness with me and my family, I thank you.

My check-in tonight is...physically, I am strong and resilient, emotionally, I am inspired and renewed, spiritually, I am aware. My committment is to continue to believe in my own goodness and the goodness of others and my affirmation is...

I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me and I love Him.

Gratitude and love always...Cyndi

1 comment:

  1. Cyndi, my friend and kindred spirit! Thank you for your light, compassion, and wisdom. If you are one of the gifts that cancer has brought into my life, I am a lucky person. I look forward to the years to come and the great things we will accomplish through this trial. Life is incredible. I love you!