It's not always going to be easy for me to express my feelings but today is a good day so I will try. No one ever expects to hear the words that I have heard these last two weeks. Cancer? I'm too young..my children need me...I need my grandchildren...Who would think of such a thing. I've had my share of trials and maybe had become complacent that the Lord would 'cut me a break' of sorts.
It's amazing what one word can do to your heart and the feelings sheltered there. I feel all the things Katie spoke of but there is one truth that I know and beleive with all my heart and that is this. My trials have been difficult and painful and ones that I pray regularly that I won't ever have to face again. But with that said I have to add the most important piece. I am grateful that the Lord had the confidence in me to bless my life with the things that would move me towards being a more loving, compassionate, empathetic human being. Through no other means could I have gained the love for others that I feel. So I add my feelings about having cancer to that equation. Do I want it? Am I experiencing fear? Do I cry? Of course the hard emotions are part of this experience. Most importantly though I know that this trial will also become one of my "hard blessings" because I know that my compassion, love, and acceptance of others will increase and God willing, I will be given opportunities both professionally and personally to touch another life when they too hear that fear word Cancer.
I am humbled by the show of love and support from family and friends and even strangers. I thank you, I love you, and know without a doubt that I will survive this under the wings of your love.
I love music so when I post a song...I hope you will listen and that it will carry a messsage of hope and courage into your own lives.