Tonight is the eve of my next chemo treatment. I spoke with Katie earlier and as we discussed the chaos of the week and my treatment tomorrow we came to the agreement that we both felt a little sad, knowing what the week following will bring. My last treatment was hard and was followed by side effects that have left me feeling uncomfortable and fatigued. I'm just at that point in my treatment that the toxins have built up and the effects are showing. We decided that we both just felt like crying and agreed that maybe that was exactly what we should do. So, tonight, I am shedding a few tears in anticipation of yet another treatment that will take away that sense of being and feeling like 'me' that I always get a glimpse of right before another treatment.
One night last week I was over-tired and became discouraged and overwhelmed. I sat in my front room praying out loud to the Lord all the things that were troubling me. How tired I felt, how insecure about my future I felt, the things I felt I was missing out on...As I did so, somehow my thoughts turned to all the wonderful blessings that have been a part of my life this long winter. My heart warmed as memories of good friends, kind words, warm feelings, and tender mercies that have met me at every corner of this journey. I found myself thanking the Lord for this opportunity to experience His love and the love of others in such an intimate way. So in leiu of yet another treatment, I can honestly say how grateful I am and how blessed I am to have been given this opportunity to experience the infinite love of my Father in Heaven. Miracles happen, hearts are softened, love abounds, and tender mercies lead the way through the darkness of despair.
This song expresses what I have come to beleive with all my heart about life and the journeys that present themselves to us when our hearts are open...
Love and gratitude always....Cyndi